My highly acute skills of deduction have deduced that at least one amongst our house is, in fact, a pogonophile. A person with an irrational love of facial hair. My suspicions were first alerted when a 'Beard competition' was announced by a certain housemate, who at this time will remain anonymous. We shall allocate said housemate a randomly selected letter of the alphabet to protect his identity: 'J'.
There are many reasons that have peeked my suspicions; we shall list them as follows.
- Housemate J, is known to bring up the subject in random social interactions, members of the Christian Society have witnessed the aforementioned behaviour whilst giving J free toast and another housemate we shall call 'P' can attest to this.
- J is known to be partially incapable of developing his own facial hair. This is yet to be confirmed as the stem of his psychological condition.
- Other housemates have been put under strict beard questioning which we will refer to as 'The Great Beard Inquisition of 2009'. J will gain as much information as to the facial hair behavior of other housemates, often lulling them into a false sense of security by showing them his sideburns. Housemates soon discover that these sideburns are in fact FALSE! Such lies from a trusted housemate, I was in total shock when I discovered this sordid secret for myself.
- J has also been spotted fraternising with many non housemates with ...interesting hairstyles and beards.
- The accused when question makes no attempt to disguise the fact that he likes facial hair...
... this readers, leads me to believe that J has no remorse! Authorities are yet to comment on these stunning revelations, and with the Pogonophile Register still under hot debate, there is clear uncertainty as to whether this perpetrator will get away with his crimes against innocent beards.
So readers, if you too have sizable facial hair and are travelling through the Eastwood area, make sure you are aware and...
...keep watching the skies!!!
sideburnlessness is a condition not a disease
ReplyDeleteAlso, its hardly anonymous when there are only 2 letters in my name
ReplyDeleteyeah look at me, it is all his fault. and to scare him when he returns. Also he has been like this for 2 years he wont stop. ever.
ReplyDeleteshould mention I last shaved early september and have a better beard than in the photo9just realised you have never met me so don't know my beard)
ReplyDeleteWell if I heard JD right earlier will meet you next week.
ReplyDelete